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 new here and needing a friend

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purplepanda
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PostSubject: new here and needing a friend   Tue Aug 07, 2012 3:27 am

Hello everyone. I just found this forum, and I am hoping that it will become a bright spot in my day, and days to come. I know it sounds sad and cliche, but I could really use a friend.

I am an American who lives in Australia. I have been here 5 years and now a citizen. Mid thirties, stay at home Mum (Mom) with 6 children. Only 3 of them live with me, and the oldest child is 21 years. Then 20, 17, 12 and my babies are 6 and 3. My little ones and 21 year old live with me. My 12 year old is still in the USA with her Dad. I have no communication with the 17 and 20 year olds, for different reasons. My 17 year old daughter got into drugs (heroin) , punk music and dating older men a few years back and eventually the police did a restraining order against her and she was barred from living at home by the court for 6 months because she had become a danger. She never wanted to come back after that.

My parents don't want a relationship with me. I ran away from home at 14 years old, pregnant, to keep my baby. We have talked on and off but in the last few years they have become very religious which puts another wedge between us, because I am not religious and very open-minded and tolerant.

I having been having problems with my husband for several years now. The 2 youngest children are the only ones that are ours together. He has been a good Dad to his step children, and is a good person. We don't fight about normal things like money or sex or child rearing. He just does little things almost every day to make me feel unloved and unimportant. We talk, and he is aware of how I feel, and says he wants to change, but much time has passed and I don't expect it to happen.

I have suffered with depression for a long time. I have some social issues and anxiety/stress including panic attacks which makes it impossible for me to "get out there" and makes friends, socialize, have a normal life.... so I am left feeling very alone. No family. No friends. No hobbies. No enjoyment from life except my 2 little boys and my pets. These things keep me going but it is so hard most of the time.

So here I am. Hoping there is an understanding person out there, maybe in need of a friend too.

If you read this whole thing, thank you. It's practically a novel. (And I only put a TINY bit of my life problems here.... )

Looking forward to hearing from anyone. I am desperately needing that "bright spot" in my day.
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kaykay
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PostSubject: Re: new here and needing a friend   Tue Aug 07, 2012 3:39 am

Hi Purplepanda. You will see how helpful this forum is You will def receive some good advice or nice people just to chit chat with
Well,if you don't mind me asking, what is it that your husband does to make you feel unloved? I guess we can start with that.
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purplepanda
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PostSubject: Re: new here and needing a friend   Tue Aug 07, 2012 3:41 am

Thanks for the welcome KayKay.

Like a said, my husband is a good person. He's not mean, rarely yells. Works hard, loves his kids. I shouldn't complain, I know I have it better than many.
But little things do add up over time. If there is something important to me, he will make a negative remark about it. If I am happy about something, he will usually point out the flaw. He tends to be a very negative person, and the worst part for me is... when he makes a mistake, does something wrong, forgets something important... he won't just say sorry. It doesn't matter to him. I can be hurting. Maybe even crying. And he'll be listing off the reasons why it wasn't his fault. It isn't his mistakes that hurt me. It's how he handles it. I want him to care that I am sad, but it seems that it only matters to him the reasons why he did that/didn't do that.

Sometimes a person just needs to know someone cares when they are hurting. Just a hug and "I'm sorry" can make a world of difference. His ego seems far more important to him than how I feel. He eventually says he's sorry, but only after the damage is done. He admits he has a problem with "being right". I think he has a bit of a superiority complex. He is very intelligent and has a high I.Q. I used to be impressed and think it was a good thing. Now I just think it makes him feel better than everyone else. So it isn't a serious problem. But day after day, year after year, those little things can pile into a mountain. And right now I feel like I'm at the bottom of that mountain. I don't want to leave him. But I don't feel loved and I worry that my love is dissolving. He's a good Dad and a nice person. But I feel like he's not " in love with me" though he says he is. He is a creature of routine, and I think that's what he's in love with. Our lifestyle, our habits, he's comfortable and doesn't want that to change. But I am so unhappy....
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santaz
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PostSubject: Re: new here and needing a friend   Tue Aug 07, 2012 3:42 am

Welcome, purplepanda. I hope our forum can be a source of solace and friendship for you. Smile
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kaykay
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PostSubject: Re: new here and needing a friend   Tue Aug 07, 2012 3:43 am

Awww purplepanda, at one time I was completely able to relate cause my hubby was the same in many ways. Turns out he just really had no idea how to deal with his emotions, nonetheless any one else's, including mine. Snafu brought up counceling. Would that be something your hubby would go for? We never went, but I believe if we did things would have turned out better a much longer time ago. I spoke to my hubby about how I felt about certain things as did he, and slowly things came together. He became much more aware of his emotions and mine.
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danzzheiress
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PostSubject: Re: new here and needing a friend   Sun Aug 12, 2012 5:04 pm

Hi purplepanda! If you need somebody to talk to, I'm here. I may be pretty young to give you advice but I'll do the best that I can. Just remember that we are never alone. Somewhere in this world, someone feels and experiences the almost exact same things that you do.

Smile Smile
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ultio
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PostSubject: Re: new here and needing a friend   Wed Aug 15, 2012 4:20 pm

Fuck the world! I am a Panda!
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